Expressing writing therapy

 https://www.businessinsider.com/the-positive-effects-of-journaling-and-expressive-writing-2014-5

frame the outcomes I want in life

I never frame the outcomes I want in my life in their objective state, e.g., I want to write a book.

I frame them by painting a picture of what my life will be like after I reach the outcome, e.g., I’ll get the gigantic monkey of an unrealized dream off my back, the word in my head will finally be visible to someone else other than me, and at minimum I’ll have a memento of a monumental life accomplishment.

two things of priceless worth

“In my life I have found two things of priceless worth - learning and loving. Nothing else - not fame, not power, not achievement for its own sake - can possible have the same lasting value. For when your life is over, if you can say 'I have learned' and 'I have loved,' you will also be able to say 'I have been happy.”
― Arthur C. Clarke, Rama II

David Hawkins on surrender

When letting go, ignore all thoughts. Focus on the feeling itself,
not on the thoughts. Thoughts are endless and self-reinforcing,
and they only breed more thoughts. Thoughts are merely
rationalizations of the mind to try and explain the presence
of the feeling. The real reason for the feeling is the accumulated
pressure behind the feeling that is forcing it to come up in the
moment. The thoughts or external events are only an excuse
made up by the mind.

As we become more familiar with letting go, it will be noticed 
that all negative feelings are associated with our basic fear 
related to survival and that all feelings are merely survival 
programs that the mind believes are necessary. The letting go 
technique undoes the programs progressively. Through that 
process, the underlying motive behind the feelings becomes 
more and more apparent.

To be surrendered means to have no strong emotion about
a thing: “It’s okay if it happens, and it’s okay if it doesn’t.”
When we are free, there is a letting go of attachments.
We can enjoy a thing, but we don’t need it for our happiness.
There is progressive diminishing of dependence on anything
or anyone outside of ourselves. These principles are in accord
with the basic teaching of the Buddha to avoid attachment
to worldly phenomena, as well as the basic teaching of Jesus Christ to
“be in the world but not of it.”

Sometimes we surrender a feeling and we notice that it returns
or continues. This is because there is more of it yet to be
surrendered. We have stuffed these feelings all of our lives
and there can be a lot of energy pushed down that needs to
come up and be acknowledged. When surrender occurs,
there is an immediate lighter, happier feeling, almost like a “high.”

Hawkins, David. Letting Go: The Pathway of Surrender .

"Let it be"

Instead of watching my breaths, I spend time just sitting with my eyes shut, and when I think something that I don't like, I just remind myself to "let it be."

Send love out

Send love to people in your life, with this simple visualization

https://www.thebrightpath.com/pink-light-technique

I find it works well after I do my other kind of meditation.

Commencement speech from a comedian

"Don't do it"
Jane Lynch touches on a number of self-help clichés with a light touch
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cHW-zwg3aqY&t=2m47s
Commencement speech from a comedian (who shares my birthday, 14 July)

Youtube for self help

https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLwxNMb28XmpckOvZZ_AZjD7WM2p9-6NBv
This links to a series of videos from The School of Life.
I liked the one called "Self Compassion."

Listen to your self

The most difficult thing for people to do is hear their own soul.  (Notice that so few do.)
     -Conversations with God, Neale Donald Walsch, p.81

Feelings log

When I write down my feelings, sometimes I discover what they are as I write.

Set a low bar to get started

Every day:
read two pages
do one pushup
Write one line
play one note

This idea is from the author of a book called Mini Habits (Stephen Guise).
Here is a link to what I read by him:
http://qr.ae/B6G3f 

Desire and depression

Without desire we'd become depressed.
(from The Willpower Instinct, by Kelly McGonigal)
Also from this book:
If you want to motivate yourself to do something immediately,
try paying attention to your breaths a few times.
This is one of many ideas to increase willpower in the book,
and one that works for me.

Upper Limits Problem

Gay Hendricks described the Upper Limits Problem
in his books, including The Big Leap.
Things are getting better in your life,
you notice this, and then you get surprised
by negative things, the opposite of serendipity.
The idea is that you have an inner thermostat of
happiness, and you have pushed your life over an
unconscious line, tripping a switch, so the director,
you, of the movie you are in, that is, your life, is
trying to make your life fit into some emotional boundaries
that you have developed in the past, that you are barely,
if at all, aware of.  People may also have lower limits,
when they know when they are uncomfortable about
something because things are so bad.  But what if things
are too good?  There's a reason people stay in ruts.
So what do you do?
Gay Hendricks says to breathe,
move, literally stretching yourself,
and love yourself for being less than perfect:
emotionally take care of yourself,
cherish or cuddle yourself
in your mind.
When he then said to love your fears, I didn't quite get it,
but it led me to the idea of seeing my fears as useful.
I look at scary feelings, such as anger, or hate, or something else,
without judgement, then, as I see the fear behind them, I
look at the fear with the idea that it's useful (not dangerous).
This allows the feelings to resolve a little bit each time I do it.
Desiree Stafford, who made a youtube talk about it,
says to be aware of what is going on in your feelings
when you are experiencing success, and ask if your feelings are
positive when your life is appearing positive.  Ask:  what
am I afraid of?  The way I do this kind of thing is in a feelings log
(this idea is from Barbara Sher's book, Live the Life You Love).
I write, e.g., I am afraid of being loved, because I am afraid it means 
I will be rejected.  Writing it down helps me finish the
sentence, and I feel like I expressed the feeling, instead
of bottling it up.
Gay Hendricks also mentioned in another youtube clip
that this inner limitation may be caused by feeling as a
child that you shouldn't outshine someone else in your
family, that someone wants you to make yourself small
for someone else's sake.

Gay Hendricks interview (radio ad break from 12:44 to 14:00)

The key to willpower

Willpower with Kelly McGonigal

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NbjjIId54g8

Recap:
I feel like if I am being good, I get to be bad.
If I do something towards my goal, I'm being good,
so I get to do something bad, i.e. something for me.
 ("Moral licensing")
Instead of moral motivation, try endgame motivation,
as in, I want to speak Portuguese, that is what I am
studying for, not "to be good."
"I've done my good deed for the day" is making some
other being the valuer.  I am the valuer, the judge.
My future self is someone else.  It doesn't feel like it's me.
If I'm anti-racist in one way, I may feel it's okay to be
more racist in another, or to stop paying attention to the
problem.
  Wanting  and
  liking
are different systems in the brain.  Dopamine is about
what you think is going to make you happy.  It doesn't
directly make you happy.  Neither does it always know what
will actually make you happy.  It can be confused by
"essentialism," e.g. substituting a skin magazine for an
actual mating opportunity.
Checking the mailbox:  at some point you are going
to get a reward.  Addiction to dopamine.
Pay attention to what you are actually experiencing,
and that will give you power to do what you ask yourself
to do.  The promise of a reward is not the same as
an actual reward.
  Self control
is another system of the brain.
Paying attention shifts to the self control system.
Pay attention to what you are feeling before, and
as, you for example eat each bite of the cookie.
Mindfulness is the best answer to any kind of addiction.
Pay attention without immediately following an instinct
is the key to willpower.
We ignore actual signals about whether something is
actually making us happy.  "The brain lied to you."
Just thinking about being stressed out, or in pain,
makes you feel like indulging in your worst addictive behavior.
Desire is a form of stress.  A difference between what you
are currently experiencing, and what you want.
Guilt is a form of stress.
Bring awareness to these times.
The "what the hell" effect of relying on guilt:
The more guilty I feel about procrastinating,
the more "what the hell", I'm already late, so
who cares if it's a little bit later?
For more about stress, also from Kelly McGonigal,
go to youtube, and search "how to make stress your friend."

What about if you doubt everything?

When a child is told something absurd, she will say "really?"
and be willing to believe something that was meant as a joke.
Like "black is a shade of white,"  or something like that.
I hate it when someone lies to me at this point, so I always
say "no, not really."
But there is a moment of uncertainty, which can be used
for good or bad.  For example, it can be induced for purposes of
brainwashing.  But I use it in myself for purposes of healing.
I notice an absurd or painful thought, such as "everybody hates me,"
and imagine this thought inside a place of being unmoored, unstuck in
knowing things, as if I were doubting everything.  I think this place
sounds like a moment of enlightenment, in the tradition of Buddhism or
Hinduism.  A lot of times I see the thought turning into images like
a thick thorn removing itself from the walls of the space.
Next step: forgiveness.

Look at the thought without judgment

Years ago I noticed that if I had an unpleasant thought, I could look at the thought without judgment, which made it less painful.  Recently I found that this is especially helpful with inappropriate sexual thoughts.

Gandhi manga (click for sample)

I enjoyed the comic book, Gandhi, by Kazuki Ebine.

I particularly sat up when reading the following:

Satyagraha starts from loving your own enemy

Doubting the enemy is almost the same as losing to them

I found this to be helpful when addressing my inner "demons,"

that is, scary or painful images.

trying to control thoughts

"Trying to control the process

limits the possibilities of what can happen in your life."

This sentence leaped out at me while reading The Path Of Least Resistance (page 218.) I thought about how I try to control the thoughts in my mind, how I try to control other people by judging them.

For years I have had violent images appear in my mind. Other thoughts also bother me. I am experimenting with remembering the above quotation, letting go of trying not to think things. It seems to make a big difference.

comments on education from the creator of The Sims

“The problem with our education system is

we’ve taken this kind of narrow, reductionist,

Aristotelian approach to what learning is.

It’s not designed for experimenting with complex systems

and navigating your way through them in an intuitive way,

which is what games teach. It’s not really designed for failure,

which is also something games teach. I mean, I think that failure

is a better teacher than success. Trial and error,

reverse-engineering stuff in your mind—

all the ways that kids interact with games—

that’s the kind of thinking schools should be teaching.

And I would argue that as the world becomes more complex,

and as outcomes become less about success or failure,

games are better at preparing you. The education system

is going to realize this sooner or later. It’s starting. Teachers

are entering the system who grew up playing games.

They’re going to want to engage with the kids using games.”

Will Wright, from Wikipedia entry

The Path Of Least Resistance

I've made some kind of real progress in the book.

I've come to the point of choosing to be the predominant creative source in my life. The next suggested step is to choose to be true to myself. This seems scary. But I'm working up to it.

The Path Of Least Resistance, by Robert Fritz

I read most of this book a few years ago, then put it down when I couldn't figure out what I wanted.

I found out I like to read a book a page or two at a time on my commute, so I picked it up again after finishing The Big Leap. It's very well written. It outlines an attitude of looking at your life emphasizing, not the problems in your life, but rather what you want to create in your life. So instead of thinking, "why am I sick, or making myself sick," thinking "I want to be healthy", as if I were an artist painting a canvas. "I want to care about (person x)" "I want to enjoy going to New York with my family," etc.

It makes all kinds of sense, after reading the book a couple of times.

The Big Leap

I was having trouble picking out a present at the bookstore, so I tried tapping (EFT) while thinking about the "Upper Limits Bug" described in The Big Leap by Gay Hendricks. It worked pretty fast for my mom, but not for my sister. I guess I still get stuck in the past.

The Grief Recovery Handbook

I've been slowly making progress in The Grief Recovery Handbook.

I've written a letter to my mother, which I read to my therapist.

Now I'm writing another letter. It's good, I felt better after the first one.

The idea is to say what you need to say, like
"I forgive you for yelling at me", but not to the actual person,

so you don't make more problems.

It really makes a difference.

Light to live by

My mother is a Quaker. I have been going to Quaker Meeting for Worship (or "Meeting") once in a while since I was a child. Recently she lent me a book about Quaker meditation, called Light To Live By. It shows a way to use the visualizing light as a way to heal inner pain. I found it useful in Meeting as well as by myself while looking within, or what I call self-therapy.

Thoughts are between us

Yesterday, I was at work when my boss walked in. I was thinking about how he approved of one of my co-workers over me, but that wasn't fair, because she was lazy, or something like that. A few seconds later, I felt a burst of anger at me. I feel that he had read my mind, and that I could feel the emotion behind his reaction. I decided that having such a boss was a teaching experience, because if you want to be a spiritual master, you can't just think whatever you want, and be unaware of the effect it has, not only on your life, but on other people.

What do I really want?

An undefined problem has an infinite number of solutions.
Robert A. Humphrey

What am I responsible for?

I have been hearing for years how "You create your own reality." This is similar to the idea that when you are an infant or child, you take everything personally, especially that if something bad happens to you, it means there is something is wrong with you.
I mentioned in another entry that "I am 100% responsible for everything that happens to me."
Well, I have been somewhat overwhelmed by family events and feelings about family, that I tried letting go of responsibility in my mind, i.e. "things are happening to me." I found this to be helpful. It's a paradox.

Why believe that?

Man is a credulous animal, and must believe something;
in the absence of good grounds for belief,
he will be satisfied with bad ones. - Bertrand Russell

A note from the Ishayas

In order to experience what you are, all that is required is to let go of what you are not. What is required to know the Self? One thing only: surrender. All that is required is to continually surrender every thought, feeling and action back to its Source. This is the simplest thing in the world to do. It actually takes far more energy to maintain separation from our True Nature than to dissolve into it.

The significant problems we have cannot be solved at the
same level of thinking
with which we created them. - Albert Einstein

Quotations

Love is the difficult realization
that something other than oneself is real.
Iris Murdoch (1919 - 1999) (She is a novelist that my father likes)

A child becomes an adult when he realizes
that he has a right not only
to be right but also to be wrong.
Thomas Szasz

Fiction is obliged to stick to possibilities. Truth isn't.
Mark Twain

Positive Discipline

I was reading Positive Discipline For Teenagers by Jane Nelson and Lynn Lott, and I tried out something on my two year old. I feel like I finally felt I could be kind and firm at the same time. So when her older brother was in bed, I told my daughter "bedtime" over and over, in a nice way, but not stopping when she yelled. And last night she got to bed easily. Only problem was she got up early! Well that's one sign she's getting enough sleep.

Stress release link

http://www.kinesiologist.us/emotional_stress_release.html

Journal

Lately when I write in my (book) journal I listen to my intuition before each word. I find the entries to be more positive and encouraging. I used to use it as a place to vent and swear at people. Now I find it is almost like a message from God.

Things are the way they ought to be

If you are thinking something painful, try thinking:
This is the way it ought to be.
Then maybe:
(I am) one hundred percent responsible.
I used this alone, and with the Emotional Freedom Technique with good results.
If I look inside, I will find a scary feeling or image, and I will think "asking for help", which is pretty much a prayer to the Universe. Then the image changes, and I go back to "one hundred percent responsible." The image changes again, and sometimes it turns into a sense of pure fear. Directing the feeling of taking responsibility toward the fear works immediately.

Emotional Freedom Technique

I read about a self-therapy thing called EFT in a free New Age magazine. I went to a session with a guy called David Smith, and I found it very useful. The website is http://emofree.com/,
or try eft on Google. I tap lightly on a series of points on my body, mostly on the head, while repeating words that represent a problem, such as "my boss is mean to me", or "waking up for work," whatever has an emotional pain or problem that I can sense. I'm going to see David Smith again, to see if he can help with the Crohn's Disease.

The instinct to heal

I have been reading The Instinct To Heal from the library. The first part is about listening to your heart, http://www.shvoong.com/books/142686-TRANSFORMING-STRESS-HEARTMATH-SOLUTION-RELIEVING-WORRY-FATIGUE-TENSION/. So far the results have been surprising. Some people seem to treat me better, as if they can sense the love that I have been consciously choosing to feel in my heart. I have found it helpful as a way to relax, and to Ascend more easily.
(The Ishayas' Ascension is the name of the meditation-style technique that I practice.) Another thing that helps is to be aware of the feeling that "I should" Ascend. The process is supposed to be effortless, so I don't have to ought to.
The second part is about eye movements as a healing system. It sounds exciting. I am hoping to finish the book before too long.

The Buddha said...

The Buddha said, next time you feel like killing somebody, remember that that person is going to die anyway, so just let nature take its course.

Le Ballon

Ben, balloon (face by Taiyo, Sonia's hat)

Don't make it wrong

If you find yourself criticizing things and people, especially getting into pointless arguments at times, you are "making it (or her, him, etc.) wrong." Observe yourself doing this, and you may find it easier to stop. Try not to "make yourself wrong" for judging others.

My son's page

Today is Taiyo's birthday.
Yesterday he was very excited, because we made a website for him.
Here it is:
http://taiyoread.blogspot.com

A comic called Buddha

I've been reading a Japanese comic book series called Buddha. It's a a lot of fun. Fukiko said she read it when she was nine, and it inspired her to become a Buddhist.

~ The Eternal State ~

~ The Eternal State ~

Myself, my daughter, my wife 

movie/life

I was thinking yesterday how when I go to the theater to see a movie, I pay attention to every minute, because I know this is "special time" which has been edited for a special effect. Lately I've been watching my daughter, who is one and a half, and thinking this is a similar, not to be repeated time, that is also part of a developing story. Every moment of life is unfolding for your entertainment and edification. (Richard Bach spoke of other aspects of life as a movie in his novel Illusions.)

quotes from Sophocles "the Greek"

Wisdom outweighs any wealth.
--Sophocles, Antigone

No man loves life like him that's growing old.

One word frees us of all the weight and pain of life:
That word is love.

The keenest sorrow is to recognize ourselves
as the sole cause of all our adversities.

Stranger in a strange country.
--Sophocles, Oedipus at Colonus

The paradox (quotes)

Whatever you do will be insignificant,
but it is very important that you do it. - Mahatma Gandhi

"In theory, there is no difference between
theory and practice; In practice, there is." - Chuck Reid

quote (Richard Bach, &c)

The more I want to get something done, the less I call it work. - Richard Bach

Anyone can do any amount of work provided it isn't the work he is supposed to be doing at the moment. - Robert Benchley

The truth that many people never understand, until it is too late,
is that the more you try to avoid suffering
the more you suffer
bcause smaller and more insignificant things
begin to torture you
in proportion to your fear of being hurt.
- Thomas Merton

Who are you? 

At the hopital--Yume's 1st week 

With Mom and Fukiko at the bowling alley 

Stand Up 

Winter of '04-'05--my street 

(top to bottom): Yume, Ben, Taiyo 

Finding out music

I'm listening to music from the site www.cdroots.com . This is some throat music with quiet guitar in the background. The clips are so interesting that I play them two or more times while I go to another window on the computer.
I bought a cd called Ochre by Andrew Cronshaw. I wasn't sure about it but Taiyo (my 5 year old boy) liked it, and has requested it a couple of times, and so has Fukiko (my wife), making it a "hit record" for my family.

Ben in Quincy

I work in a dayhab.
I watch people who need help.
They are "disabled".
They have "mental retardation."
listening:
I'm giving him roses for his birthday.
You know why I'm doing that?
Because he's a nice guy.
Give him a surprise party for his birthday.